A couple of weeks ago I heard about the missing Vegas showgirl. I started following the story on a daily basis. I still don't know why this particular story about this particular girl and her sister affected me in this way. Basically Debbie Flores Narvaez was a girl who grew up in Puerto Rico, came to the States w/her parents, went to law school but always dreamed of being a Vegas Showgirl. She went to Vegas and MADE IT!!:-) However, from what I've read and heard so far, she kept going back to her boyfriend of one year who was, guess what, an ABUSER!!
The stories say that she was beaten by him while she was pregnant with his baby just this past October. What one can surmize is that this was a volatile relationship (suprise, in this day and age they seem to be abundant). However, this lasted one year and she kept going back to him. The last time she visited him was December 12, 2010 which is when he strangled her, dismembered her and put her into plastic tubs that he then covered with concrete. OMG, I think I'm going to be sick.
The father of my children was abusive. First it was verbal and got physical a couple of times. I am 5.5, 124lbs whereas he was 6'2", 215lbs of solid muscle. After a few years I realized, with the help of a friend who is a social worker, that he had mental issues most probably bi-polar.
Aside from the fact that we'd discuss his 'behaviour' when he was 'normal,' he never did anything about it and would have memory lapses of things he'd said and done while in his depressed state. After a few years I started to notice the process: harder to wake-up in the morning and couldn't sleep at night. Weather conditions would upset him: if it was rainy, life sucked. If it was snowing, life sucked. If it was sunny, it was too hot and life sucked. After a few days of that, he would then start to pick a fight with me (I still don't understand what that was about but whatever). One night he started calling me names because I had asked him when we'd sit down and discuss some new home owners insurance options I was investigating. I looked up and knew what was happening. He was calm yet calling me all kinds of vulgar names. Here I am asking him what's wrong and if there is anything I can do to help him feel better. Dumbass idiot move:-) He pushed me away from himself, went into the bedroom, sat on the bed, put his head in his hands while his elbows were resting on his knees, looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know how I'm going to get back at you. " Then I got angry and told him to knock it off and asked him get back at me for what. I WILL NEVER, EVER AS LONG AS I LIVE forget the look on his face as he looked me straight in the eyes and told me he would kill our son which would mess me up for life. Guess what I did? I called the police but was sad to have him arrested and removed from our home. Awww poor him and his mom, where would they go, what would they do? Yes, that's what was going through my mind.
Of course later he was apologetic, hurt and all that 'remorse' stuff that comes after the depression and anger, I guess. He didn't remember saying that and told me "I" was crazy. Maybe I was crazy, crazy for staying in that relationship for almost 10yrs. However, a couple of months later (his depression would occur every 3.5 months or so), he started in again but this time threatened me personally. He would not kill me because that would be an easy way out but rather he would demolish me physically so when I looked in the mirror I wouldn't recognize myself which he thought would kill my spirit. I rolled my eyes then put my coat on to go to work. As I was grabbing the doorknob and while he and his mother were sitting at the dining room table, he asked me who was going to watch my kids while I was gone. My son was 3.5yrs old and my daughter was 6mths old. I told him these were his children as well and his mother's grandchildren. He said, be careful what you do and how you act or you'll come back home, no one will be here and you'll never see your kids again. That was when my life and the life of my children would change forever and to this day I think for the better.
I closed the door, took off my coat went into the bedroom and called the police. The officer on the other end told me they would come in and arrest him, ask her to leave and if she didn't, arrest her as well. I was crying uncontrollably. Remember, my dad had also died a year before that AND I had a toddler and infant AND was the only one working at the time. I didn't know what to do. Then the office on the other end asked me if I WANTED TO BECOME A STATISTIC? And that was it for me.
They didn't want to be arrested so he left a couple of days later after I sent his mother back to Europe. I asked him to comply and let's get a legal separation together, etc...but he was so angry he just told me to do whatever I wanted. Well, I filed a Petition by Publication and divorced him within 30 days AND HAVE NO REGRETS.
Of course it's not easy being a single mom especially in this economy and living downtown with the amazing Chicago Public School System (that's another blog lol). However, I HAVE MY PEACE OF MIND. I sleep at night and know that my children are safe in their own beds. I don't sleep with one eye open anymore. Ladies, if it's volatile, abusive, etc...JUST MOVE ON!!!!!! There are so many people in this world that it isn't necessary to work so hard to make something that OBVIOUSLY isn't working, WORK. But guess what, I see it all the time. And beautiful Debbie Flores Narvaez was just one woman who probably thought what all of us bleeding hearts (and X bleeding hearts) think, maybe I can help. You CAN HELP! Help yourself (and your children if you have them) by finding a safe haven and letting professionals help the sick ones.
